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When they do use knives and forks, they don’t hold them properly. 1 When invited to dinner, you are absolutely at liberty to accept or decline the invitation.And gentlemen are sitting next to their memsahibs at dinner. Not surprisingly, Maj Gen Cowan has taken a pretty dim view of such poor form. In fact, we believe that it is our duty to apply the same rigour to social standards when eating in civvie street. You are not, however, free to accept and then change your mind at the last minute because you suddenly got a better offer, or there’s something good on the “telly”.4 Ladies may allow their bare arms, shoulders and/or a modest portion of décolletage to be visible. Almost no woman older than 20, or with a dress-size more than six can sit with her flabby tummy exposed without putting others off their food. 10 Sending or reading any form of email, text, tweet, Facebook message, status update or comment left at the end of an online newspaper feature.Ditto communicating via Whats App, Snapchat or Skype.After 8.30pm, she will be fretting because the food’s burning and everyone’s cancelling at the last minute (see above). 3 Re dress code: gentlemen are no longer expected to wear dinner jackets, more’s the pity.To minimise grief, try arriving within half an hour of the stated time. But if the ladies put on a nice dress, do their hair and daub on make-up, the least a chap can do is make an effort. “Feeling a little bloated afterwards” doesn’t count.
13 Unless the specific purpose of a social gathering is to watch a particular event en masse, it is seriously bad form for a gentleman to pop out of a dining room to check a football, or other sport, score on TV.
14 Children, it used to be said, should be seen but not heard. But civilised human beings do not binge-drink at the dinner table. Nor do they, at any time, pass out having drunk too much.
Nothing has happened to alter the soundness of this advice. 16 Mealtimes should not be accompanied by intoxicants that are smoked, snorted or injected.
Nothing kills conversation faster than pseudo-progressive bores who make a point of being offended by the “inappropriate” attitudes of others and seek to silence them.
These see racism, sexism and homophobia in the most innocent remarks.Not only would they ban the singing of 'Eskimo Nell’, they would insist she’s actually Inuit Nell.